I’ll Take the Watch

I’ll Take the Watch — the AI-made song and lyric film made from this essay (captions available). Watch on YouTube →

On a ship, at a gate, on a hill in the dark, somebody stands the watch so the others can sleep. It is one of the oldest arrangements people have made with each other. You stay awake, you keep your eyes open, and when your hours are up somebody comes and says the words that let you go: I relieve you. Then you sleep, and they keep watch over you.

Now picture someone who has come home. The uniform is in a closet. The paperwork says it is over. There is a kitchen, and a street with a coffee shop on the corner, and a family who are glad. And still, in a restaurant, they take the chair that faces the door. At a cookout they know where every exit is. A car backfires and the body is already moving before the mind has caught up. At night they check the lock, and then check it again, and lie there listening to the house.

But in the diner you still take the chair that sees the door
You count the exits like you’ve counted them before
The paper says it’s over and the town’s asleep by ten
You check the lock, you lie awake, you check the lock again

Nobody came and said the words. The war ended, or their part of it did, but nobody relieved the watch. So part of them is still standing it, alone, in a place where everyone else is asleep.

I don’t think that is weakness. I think it is loyalty that has not been told it can rest. The body learned, for good reasons, that staying alert kept people alive. It does not take orders from a calendar. You cannot simply command it to stand down, any more than you can command yourself to fall asleep.

What you can do is the old thing: let somebody else take a shift.

I relieve you
That’s all the old words ever meant
Somebody stays awake
So somebody can rest

That is the whole idea of this song. Not “get over it.” Not “thank you for your service” on the way past. A person who sits down beside you at two in the morning and says: I’m here. Lay it down for a while. I’ll take the watch.

For the people beside a veteran, that does not mean you have to understand everything, or ask for the story. It can be as small as staying up. Making coffee. Sitting on the porch steps in the cold without needing to talk. Saying, more than once, that you are not going anywhere. You cannot stand their watch for them forever, and you are not supposed to. You can stand it with them long enough for them to sleep.

So I’ll put the coffee on, and I will sit with you and wait
I don’t need the story, you don’t owe me what you saw
Just the porch, the cold, the quiet, till the frost begins to thaw

And some shifts need more than a friend. There are people whose whole job is to take the watch:

If you are a veteran in crisis, or worried about one, dial 988 and then press 1, or text 838255. The Veterans Crisis Line answers at any hour, and you do not have to be enrolled in VA benefits or health care to use it.

If you want to talk with someone who served, the Vet Center call center is at 877-927-8387, any hour.

VA says you can call or walk in to any VA medical center at any time for mental health care, or to any Vet Center during clinic hours, even if you are not enrolled.

If you have nowhere to sleep tonight, or are about to lose your place, the National Call Center for Homeless Veterans is at 877-424-3838, any hour.

If someone is in danger right now, call 911, or go to the nearest emergency room or VA medical center.

Our free page at scarletbeast.com/veterans has these numbers in one place, plus the words to say when you call VA. It keeps nothing about you.

I will not tell you that one good night fixes it. It may not. The watch may come back on its own, on an ordinary Tuesday, for no reason you can name. But every night someone else takes a shift is a night you did not have to stand alone. And that is how peace usually arrives, I think. Not as a treaty. As a person on the steps who says: I’ve got it from here. Go to sleep.

If you served and you are reading this awake at some hour that nobody should be awake: you kept watch long enough. You are allowed to be relieved. Let somebody take it.

So lay it down, lay it down
I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere
Close your eyes, I’ll keep the light
I’ll take the watch tonight

If you served, or love someone who did

• In crisis, or worried about a veteran who is: dial 988, then press 1, or text 838255. The Veterans Crisis Line answers at any hour, and you don’t have to be enrolled in VA.
• To talk with someone who served: the Vet Center call center, 877-927-8387, any hour.
• Nowhere to sleep tonight: the National Call Center for Homeless Veterans, 877-424-3838, any hour.
• In danger right now: call 911, or go to the nearest emergency room or VA medical center.
• All of it in one place, with the words to say when you call VA: For veterans and the people beside them (free, keeps nothing).

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