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When someone has died

A private companion for grief, for a person or an animal you loved. There is no right way to do this and no deadline. Take what helps and leave the rest: something for when a wave hits, a gentle list for the first days, a letter to them, a place to keep memories, a plan for the hard dates, and words to ask for help.

If you don’t want to go on without them

Thoughts of dying or of hurting yourself, or you just need to talk: call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. It answers 24/7, and you don’t have to be suicidal to call. En español, marca 2.
Rather text? Text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line, 24/7).
In danger, or a medical emergency: call 911.

Private by design. Nothing you tap or type here is sent anywhere. Your letter, memories and dates stay in this browser on this device, and one button erases them. This page runs no analytics or tracking. How we handle privacy.

The short version

When a wave hits, let it come. Put your feet on the floor, breathe out slowly, and remind yourself: this is grief, and it passes, even if it comes back.
In the first days, you only have to do the next small thing. Let someone else keep a list and answer the phone.
Write to them. What you want them to know, what you miss, what you’re sorry for, what you’re keeping.
Plan for the hard dates (their birthday, the anniversary, holidays): who you’ll be with and one small way to remember them.
Ask for specific help: a meal, a walk, company, a phone call on a hard day.

With JavaScript on, this page saves your letter, memories and dates on this device, prints a keepsake and makes calendar reminders.

Good to know

There’s no timeline

Grief doesn’t follow a schedule or a set of stages you tick off. The famous “five stages” were first written about people facing their own death, and most grieving people don’t move through them in order. You’re not doing it wrong.

It comes in waves

You can be fine for an hour or a week, then a song, a smell or a date knocks you flat. Over time the waves usually come further apart, but they can still be strong when they come. That’s normal.

Your body grieves too

Tiredness, poor sleep, not wanting to eat, a tight chest, forgetting things, not being able to focus: all common. Drink water, eat something small, and go easy on yourself. If a physical symptom worries you, get it checked.

Mixed feelings are allowed

Anger, guilt, numbness, even relief (after a long illness, or a hard relationship) can sit right next to love and sadness. Feeling them doesn’t mean you didn’t care.

When to get more support

Right away, if you think about ending your life or joining them: call or text 988. People who lost someone to suicide or an overdose can call too; that kind of loss is its own weight.
If, many months on, you can barely get through the day, can’t accept that they’ve died, or feel life has no meaning without them, tell a doctor or counselor. Grief that stays that heavy for a long time is something they can help with.
If you’re drinking or using more to get through it, ride out an urge and talk to someone.
Grief groups. Many hospices, faith communities and community centers run free grief groups, often open to anyone, not only families they served. Ask a local hospice what they offer.
Getting ready to talk to a doctor? Appointment prep helps you say it, and a mood and sleep diary keeps a record.

More help

Can’t sleep? A quiet page for the middle of the night, with a notebook to park what’s on your mind.
Too much all at once? Breathe and ground, or check in with yourself.
Worried about someone else who’s grieving? When you’re worried about someone.
Can’t face everything on the list? One step at a time breaks a task into small pieces.
All our free tools and Get help now.

General ideas from people who care, not medical, legal or financial advice. What has to be done after a death depends on where you live and the person’s situation; a funeral home, a hospital or hospice social worker, or a lawyer can tell you what applies to you.

This page, its prompts and its wording were written with AI (Claude) for Scarlet Beast (our AI policy). Scarlet Beast is an open door for neurodivergent people and people with records, and this is for anyone. Found a mistake? Email [email protected].