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When you’re worried about someone
A friend, a partner, your kid, a parent, someone at work. Something seems wrong and you don’t know what to say, or whether it is your place. Pick what you are noticing and get plain ideas for what to try, words you could use, what to avoid and when to get help. Then make a small private plan to be there.
If they might act on it right now
- Danger right now (they have hurt themselves, have the means with them, or you cannot reach them after a worrying message): call 911.
- Not sure, or you need someone to think it through with: call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. You can contact 988 about someone else, not only for yourself. Veterans press 1. En español, marca 2.
- If it is safe for you, stay with them, or stay on the phone, until help is there. If you can, put time and distance between them and anything they could use to hurt themselves.
- Don’t promise to keep it secret if keeping it could put them in danger.
Good to know
Asking won’t put the idea in their head
Many people are afraid that saying the word “suicide” will make it more likely. Research has not found that. For many people, being asked plainly is a relief: someone noticed, and it can be said out loud.
You don’t have to fix it
You are not their therapist, and you don’t need the perfect words. Mostly you need to show up, listen without judging, and help them reach the people who can do the rest.
Listening beats advice
“That sounds really hard” often helps more than a solution. Try to keep your own worry, shock or “have you tried…” for later. If they want ideas, they can ask.
Neurodivergent people may show it differently
Someone autistic or with ADHD may go quiet, stop doing their usual things, or say it bluntly instead of hinting. Take plain words at face value, and a text may feel easier for them than a face-to-face talk.
Look after yourself too
- You can call 988 for yourself. Supporting someone is heavy. You don’t have to be in crisis to talk it through.
- Share the load. If it is safe to, bring in one more person they trust, so it is not all on you.
- It is not your fault if they are still struggling, or if they are angry that you spoke up. You acted out of care.
- Keep your own basics going: sleep, food, some quiet. Our check-in and breathe and ground pages are for you too.
Free tools you could use together
- A private safety plan: sit with them and fill it in together: warning signs, what helps, who to call.
- Breathe and ground: a slow breathing circle you can follow side by side when it is all too much.
- Speak for me: tap-to-show messages for someone who can’t get the words out right now.
- Homeless resources in New York City: food, shelter and drop-in centers, if they have nowhere safe to sleep.
- All our free tools and Get help now.
This page, its suggestions and its example words were written with AI (Claude) for Scarlet Beast (our AI policy). Scarlet Beast is an open door for neurodivergent people, and this is for anyone. Found a mistake, or a situation we should add? Email [email protected].